I will always be there
by MissSpasticEnthuseastic
Summary: "I failed the test; death is a just and forewarned punishment for such a failure." "Never think that Natalya, you deserve to live. That chance is what I have given you. Live well, work hard, shoot high and never ever doubt yourself" Will start as Natasha centric but will become a team fic later on!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note:**

**Well hi, not my first fan fiction… but my first in a while AND my first Avengers one. This story is going to be VERY long, and all relationship development will be slow and steady (it wins the race don't you know). There will be many, many pairings, and sometimes the pairing someone is in for a while is not the one they are going to be in permanently!**

**I am a massive comic nerd as well as being a huge fan of the films BUT I am not anal, and if you are, this is not a story for you. I have made up masses of my own stuff which is completely and utterly inaccurate to the comics and really doesn't work with it. In fact, some of it doesn't even fully fit with the films… but hey, artistic License I tell you…**

**WARNING: There will be some graphic violence and implied rape etc… this is a Natasha centric fic, including her dark past (that I have taken some liberties with) so PLEASE let's not read this if we don't like it!**

**Obviously I own nothing, please review if you want me to continue! After this first chapter I will love reviews but won't need them to keep updating… I write for me and to help vent some of the thoughts in my head, but on this one, it would be nice to get some opinions on whether I should even keep writing it or not!**

**Much love,**

**Miss S.E**

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Pain. That is all that Natalia could feel. Pain and confusion. She couldn't comprehend what was happening, why was this man causing her pain there? What was he doing? Suddenly it ended, his weight disappeared from where it had been pinning her to the thin, scrappy excuse for a mattress. She hated these rooms, grey, rough, blank walls, a hole in the ground in the corner, and a metal bed frame with little more than some fluff and cotton masquerading as something to sleep on. To her, well, to all the girls here, these rooms meant punishment. These rooms meant you had done something wrong, displeased Ivan or another trainer, and that wasn't a situation anyone wanted to find themselves in.

Lost in her confused, rushing thoughts, she didn't notice the knife until it was too late. One moment he was slipping his undergarments on and the next she was pinned again, but this time against the wall, knife at her throat, one big arm, much stronger than her own scrawny ones, pinning both of hers. Had she been paying attention, she would have been able to defend herself, been able to turn his own brute strength against him, got the knife and stabbed him in the back with it, but she hadn't been. Her thoughts had been far too preoccupied with whatever this new torture she had just endured was all about, to even notice him moving towards her, let alone fight him off.

"Such a shame" he muttered, in Polish (this guard's home tongue she seemed to recall) "and Commander Petrovitch had such high hopes for you" he continued his face only inches from her own, "And yet here you are; nothing more than a failure. You are not good enough to make the transition, and so now, we dispose of our… failed samples"

Even as he moved the knife back slowly, part of her brain was analysing his movements from instinct, noting that his plan was the drive it back, with perfect precision, straight through her neck, but she was distracted by the horrible realisation of what was happening washing over her. She was thirteen; this had been her initiation to adult service. Her chance to prove she could face any situation, be an adult agent for her country, be a widow, and she had failed. Therefore, it was only just that she was killed for her failure. She thought of her foster father Ivan, of how disappointed he would be. She closed her eyes, heart racing no matter how hard she tried to slow it, after all she reasoned with herself, why should she feel the fear and despair creeping over her in that moment? What right did she have to feel betrayed that they were killing her when she had failed them? Failed her country?

She heard the noise of Flesh ripping as a blade went through it and wondered why she could not yet feel the pain. The body flopped backwards suddenly limp and the pressure disappeared from her neck. As she heard the knife clatter to the floor, her eyes flew open to reassess the situation; her would be killer was now lying on the clean grey concrete, blood creeping out from a torn wound in his chest, and standing over him, his own blade still glistening with the blood was a stranger. A man she had never seen before, who was looking straight at her. He held out a hand, looking concerned, his eyes full of a compassion she had never witnessed in a person before, and she took it. She shouldn't have, it went against all her training, she had no idea who this man was, and yet was trusting him. He guided her back to the bed and sat her down on the edge.

"Are you ok?" his voice was soft, silken. He was speaking Russian she observed, though with a slight accent which she couldn't quite place. In his eyes was displayed care, and compassion still, underplayed by an edge of anger, that Natalia, even in her shaken state, could tell this mysterious stranger was trying to hide from her.

"Yes. I don't understand sir, I failed the test; death is a just and forewarned punishment for such a failure, so why did you stop him?" She was surprised to see sadness and regret pass across his deep, emotive eyes for just a moment before all emotions vanished from their depths once more.

"Never think that Natalia, you deserve to live. That chance is what I have given you. Live well, work hard, shoot high and never ever doubt yourself" Natalia felt a surge of annoyance at his dodging her question, she wanted to know why. "Oh and if they ask, there was no one here, you killed that man yourself." She nodded and he stood walking towards the door but Natalia had one more thing she had to know,

"Wait," she called, still speaking Russian, despite it obviously not being his native language, "who_ are_ you?!"

"I am Loki, of Asgard. And I shall always be watching over you мой возлюбленный"

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**Ok so there we goo… Ohhhhh there will be an explanation for why and how Loki was there at this point in her life (eventually) and also why he doesn't know her by the time that the film happens!**

**That last thing means "my beloved" (just so you don't have to look it up xD)**

**Aaaand review if you likey like!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so I didn't get much on the reviews front, but hey… This is written mainly for my best friend, as a few of the ideas I will be putting in later come from her insane, and very vivid dreams! Please read and review, but no flames, I already put a warning about my lack of original back story!**

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Natalia looked up deep into his eyes, blush creeping into her cheeks as she stared at him and he at her.  
"I now pronounce you man and wife" the Russian orthodox priest finished next to them, and with that Alexei pulled her chin up, leaning in to brush his lips against hers. She loved him so much, her brave war hero. Regardless of the fact that she too had been helping, successfully pulling off covert missions into Nazi Germany since her early childhood, he was actually out fighting, hand to hand, a soldier, rather than a spy.

The next moment, the rest of the gathering was upon them, some of Alexei's friends from his unit, Ivan and a few other key people in her life, and little Yelena. Since the moment she had arrived here almost a year ago, Natalia had been watching out for Yelena. The small, naturally warm hearted child tweaked something in Natalia's heart that she had not felt in a long time. She reminded Natalia of someone, though she could never work out exactly who.  
The day was always a blur to Natalia, full of laughter, smiles, dancing, cakes and pastries which they could so rarely afford, music and sweet soft kisses, exchanged quietly between her and her new husband whenever they had a second to themselves.

Natalia did not feel the slight tension in the room, did not see the questions in the eyes of her partners friends, could not see, despite her extensive training, how forced the smiles of many in the room were. Not on that day anyway. She would wonder about it, years later, but she was too blinded on the day to notice much other than the warm chocolate eyes of her lover.

* * *

Nine months and two weeks later, Natalia could have killed Alexei-bloodly-Shostakov; he had sworn to her that he would return in time. Duty to his country be damned, he had a duty to his wife! As she screamed curses to the sky, she knew she could not truly be angry with him, had this been in reverse, she would have done the same. Her thoughts were interrupted only by a momentary lapse in her pain as she heard a small cry ring out, and saw the doctors had a small, slimy child in their hands. Before she could fully process the baby, the pain was back and voices were telling her the time had come to resume pushing. Two hours and thirteen minutes later, the pain once again began to recede and the noise of a new born once again rang through the room. So preoccupied was she with the after birth, that Natalia did not notice the doctors cleaning, checking and weighing her tiny babies, until two nurses walked towards her.

"Here you are Natalia" One smiled warmly, handing her the tiny babe in her arms, "This is the elder one, they are both boys, congratulations!"

Natalia could have sworn her heart stopped, just for a moment as she looked down into the tiny bundle of warmth in her arms, tiny fists clenching, tongue lolling and eyes unfocused, Natalia had never seen something so perfect.

"Привет малыш, я ваша мама" _Hello little one, I am your mama _She cooed at the child, her child. Alexei, when she got word to him, would be so happy. He had hoped for a boy, and they had got two, both alive and healthy and oh so beautiful.

* * *

1944, the height of the Second World War, and Natalia was, unusually, on the front lines. She was not fighting, but she had just returned from an espionage mission into Germany, and Natalia had been ordered to take her intel directly to the general in the trenches, so save the extra time that several stages of information relay would add. On arrival he had ordered her to remain with them for a while so that he could ask her further details if needed. This suited Natalia just fine; Alexei too was currently serving some time in the trenches, helping with tactical decisions, assisting the general in his choices regarding air strikes. It was somewhat of a novelty to most there, to have a young woman in the trenches, particularly a married one. But she was not going to let that affect her.

Natalia, as was her habit, was roaming in the front trenches, using her unusually sharp eyes to search corners for those too spineless and weak to truly help in the war effort, when a cry went up around her, the Germans were crossing the No man's land and mounting an attack. Within minutes carefully practiced chaos surrounded her, as the soldiers of her own motherland rushed to counteract the onslaught. She went herself and took possession of a spare rifle, climbing swiftly and agilely into a position along the inner wall of the trench, standing on a ledge high enough to allow her to shoot over and prevent the scum from the western lands from approaching too close.

Gunfire was spraying from both trenches, and gas and smoke began to fill the Russian trenches as their grenades began to hit home. Natalia could hear screaming in every direction; the heightened cries for help and the quite whimpers of acceptance. She turned, realising she was not helping here, she wasn't a soldier and she hated this environment. Just as she stalked past a turning to her left, ignoring it as she carried on forward, her back still to the no man's land, arms enveloped her waist and pulled her sharply to the side, down the side passage, and bullets swept through the cross section she had just been standing in.

Natalia whipped around, freeing herself from the arms around her to thank her saviour, but when she saw his face her voice caught in her throat. It was him. The ebony haired man 'of Asgard' who had saved her three years ago, and again now, who she told Yelena about when she took pity and tried to sooth her after gruelling days of training. Loki. Her knight in shining armour.  
Natalia tried to force her mouth to say something, anything, but instead she stood there speechless;

"Are you alright мой возлюбленный?" He quietly asked, reaching out confidently to sweep the back of his fingers across her lightly bruised cheek bone. She noticed he was speaking Russian again.

"I-Urm, I- yes, yes I am fine thank you." Natalia stuttered, snapping her mind out of its shocked stupor, "That is the second time you have saved me now;_ Loki. _I wonder why you keep doing so?" she questioned, "And how?!" she finished, as an afterthought.

"It is fine, I saved you because I wished to. As for how, that is something I cannot explain at this point, but know that I always will, after all, I am your Knight in Shining armour" He returned, a mocking glint in his eye as he smirked at her. Natalia could feel a very uncharacteristic flush build in her cheeks, and tried to force it down. She could not believe he had somehow been listening to her fantasies and childish fairy tales; based around him and whispered to Yelena in the dead of night.

"Are you happy?" he asked, abruptly, his face snapping quickly to a more serious expression, his mildly teasing smile vanishing in an instant.

"I..yes" She hesitated, before resolutely answering. She was happy, she had her husband and her children and when the war was over she could return to her calling; dance. That is what she had been doing with every moment of her spare moment before she volunteered to help serve her country and that is what she would return to; right?

Natalia, pushed that thought to the back of her mind. Of course that is what she had and would do. She did not want to examine too carefully where that unwarranted moment of uncertainty had come from; her head would start to hurt.

"Then I shall leave you to the frantic, p-pilot?" He said the word strangely, with a slight uplift in tone at the end, as though unsure if he had got the word correct; "who is searching the nearby war pits for you, he seems to be concerned for your well-being. Take care мой возлюбленный, I shall see you next time you are in need of me."

Natalia was about to open her mouth to protest, to insist he explain his cryptic answers and random appearances, and where on earth he was from that called the trenches "war pits", but before she could do any more than open her mouth she heard a voice call;

"Natalia, oh thank goodness you are alright, I thought you had been caught by the gas, or taken by the Germans" Alexei's familiar voice reached her ears from behind her at the same time as she heard his approach. She turned towards him as way of greeting and took his outstretched hand before pivoting back around to continue interrogating her saviour, but he was gone. In front of her, exactly where he had been standing, was a small bracelet, and beyond that a trench path, unbroken by side turnings, which went on for a good 200 yards. She couldn't understand where he had gone, not even she could move that fast, no one she had ever come across could.

But then realisation washed over her, it was ridiculous and childish and pathetic to believe such things, but it was the only option which fit with his constant apparitions and disappearances; magic, he could use magic. She bent, and took the bracelet in her hand, slipping it in her pocket before Alexei could see what it was, then turned to face her husband.

Putting a mask on, she smiled weakly at him and pulled herself towards him with their hands, still clasped firmly together.

"I'm fine, love, I just need to sleep, I was very close to the gas, and now my head aches" she said with another small smile, and Alexei swallowed the lie with ease.

They slowly walked back through the trenches to their private bunk; being some of the best Russia had to offer had its benefits. Alexei took her silence as a result of her head ache and exhaustion, and calmly accompanied her, the first person to be truly fooled by the blank mask of the black widow, hiding the emotional turmoil inside Natalia's head.

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**Okay, so just saying; Natasha is on the front line, but it is brief and she hates it. It is this experience which puts her off being a soldier and it is because she is out of her depth that she needs Loki to save her. Also, she isn't actually as old here as you may assume; her training isn't finished so even though she is good at controlling her face and her blushing, she isn't perfect AND she definitely isn't completely cold and cut off yet: give it time :p**  
**Once again мой возлюбленный means my love in Russian…**

**And I please read and review :)**


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